At JerkySubscription.com, we are by no means experts when it comes to the history of the United States of America. We spend most of our time with jerky. Instead of trying to take credit for waxing poetic on the past, we turn to Wikipedia and ask: “Yo, Wiki. What’s up with July 4th?”
Turns out Wikipedia knows the answer:
“We celebrate American Independence Day on the Fourth of July every year. We think of July 4, 1776, as a day that represents the Declaration of Independence and the birth of the United States of America as an independent nation.”
We also know that there is literally no holiday more American than July 4th. Which, you know, makes a lot of sense. So how do you celebrate the day?
Here’s our perfect schedule of how we’d spend our July 4th. We hope you can gain a little inspiration from it.
Noon: Wake-up. Eat a breakfast of premium jerky with eggs on an expansive deck somewhere overlooking a gorgeous body of water. Like an ocean or a big ass lake or something. Hey, we said this was a perfect day, so we can make up anything we want.
1pm: Our assistant arrives with a special note from the chef. Our latest subscription box from JerkySubscription.com and he’s chosen a tasting plate for me – and a whole bunch of friends who’ve been invited over for an impromptu party. AWESOME.
1:30pm: There are like 100 people at the mansion. We’re partying. There are ice cold beers everywhere. At some point a beach volleyball game broke out. And Dr. Dre is also performing a live, private concert for us in the backyard. NICE.
2pm: The chef sounds out the tasting menu of jerky. Venison, Pork, Duck, Chicken. There are so many types of jerky and various flavors I feel like a culinary master. Everyone at the party is super envious of the jerky and they start asking for samples. Guess what? JERKY FOR EVERYONE!
4pm: Now we’re all playing beer pong. Winner of the tournament wins a one year subscription to JerkySubscription.com – great idea. Dr. Dre isn’t performing anymore – but Michael Buble is. Seems like a cool dude.
7pm: I won the beer pong tournament and another JerkySubscription.com monthly box. I am so stoked. You truly can never have enough jerky. Now a bunch of women who are going to do a Hawaiian dance performance are here.
9pm: Fireworks. Friggin’ America. Being awesome. We all snack on premium jerky and watch the fireworks. Each time the fireworks go off it sprays the name of jerky companies we love. BONUS!
11pm: Time to go to bed. The party has been excellent. I go up to the bedroom of my mansion. Eric Clapton tucks me in – and tells me I looked wonderful tonight.
Wow. What a day. Sure, this day hasn’t happened yet, but we have a good feeling it will sooner than later. Notice the one common thread tying this whole great day together. Not just friends, family and music – but jerky. And nothing says America better than jerky.
Well, maybe somebody dressed up as an old timey president wearing a powdered wig, humming the national anthem and chomping down on some sweet venison jerky. That’s a little more American, actually.
This July 4th, try to live your perfect day. If you can’t live the schedule above, make up your own – but make sure it’s filled to the brim with jerky. You deserve it.