May is upon us and that means that Hollywood movie studios are ramping up to release their Spring and Summer blockbuster movies.
Movie theaters around the country are getting ready to capitalize on the influx of movie-goers ready to pay for price-gouged popcorn, fizzy sugar-filled drinks, and sweet candy that are found on the outside for 500% less than their asking prices.
Despite movie theater’s mostly unwritten rule about bringing your own snacks into their establishments to keep a monopoly on your stomach during movies, people have found ways to sneak food in any way.
Sneaking food into the movies is as easy as wearing cargo pants or carrying a purse. However, movie theaters are starting to catch onto these by implementing bag searches or having you empty your pockets in order to keep you lining up at their concession stands.
With movies having a longer run time than they did before, it’s only natural to want to bring in food that will keep your stomach satisfied throughout the feature. Instead of shoving your pockets with teeth-ruining candy, why not reach for a bag of beef jerky? Beef jerky has the perfect combination of proteins and fat to keep your stomach from playing a musical piece of its own during quiet parts of the movie, but how are you going to sneak it into the theater you ask?
If you don’t carry a purse or have functioning cargo pants, then here is a list of creative ways to sneak beef jerky into the movie theater:
Beef Jerky Under Your Shirt
Strut right into the movie theater with a purpose up to the bag check area and watch as they pat down your pockets and feel nothing. How is this possible? Take your favorite bag of beef jerky from your recent Jerky Subscription box and tape it to your chest or back. Have chest hair? It’s okay, the pain of a quick rip would be worth having a bag of delicious jerky in the movies.
The Jerky Wallet
Don’t want your fellow movie-goers to judge you pulling jerky from under your clothing? Bring out the inner DIYer in you and fashion your favorite jerky into a wallet. Imagine the feature film beginning and you being able to take a wallet jerky out of your pocket to start gnawing on. Do be mindful to take your cards, identification, and pictures of children out before indulging in delicious grass-fed jerky. Do be mindful of the movie patron next to you as they might be eyeing you wondering if they should scoot a seat over.
The Jerky Baby
Want to bring your entire Jerky Subscription box into the theater with you? Invest in your stomach by purchasing a cheap over the shoulder infant baby sling. Place a knit cap on your bags of jerky and walk past the movie ushers by telling them not to bother your “child.” Now you get to enjoy different flavors of beef jerky from the comfort of your child sling. Make sure you explain this to the person next to you before they begin dialing for the police thinking you’re picking away at an infant.
Instead of making a stop at the dollar store for non-stomach-filling candy, take from your monthly Jerky Subscription box and follow any of these tips to sneaking it into the theater. Your stomach will thank you for your ingenuity.