National Superhero Day is April, 28 and we couldn’t be more excited.
It seems like everything these days has a superhero associated with it.
Love to fly? Of course there’s Superman.
Love rocks? There’s The Thing.
Love to have a butler and also be super wealthy and ridiculously attractive? Batman.
Plus there’s like 15,000,000 other random superheroes for every local car dealership, furniture shop and we’ve even heard that there’s a list of “animal friendly” superheroes that PETA put together.
While we appreciate the effort, we noticed one glaring omission from the laundry list of superheroes that exist in the universe: beef jerky.
Say you’re a guy or gal who loves premium jerky? Sure, you eat it often. You enjoy it’s delicious tastiness, craft created process and always let your friends know about the latest and greatest brands.
But who is your hero? Sit in sadness and loneliness no longer our jerky connoisseur.
We are proud to introduce Jerky Jeff: Beef Jerky Superhero.
Jerky Jeff is awesome for several reasons:
- Guy loves jerky. Matter of fact, it is what gives him his powers, which is why he enjoys a bit of jerky nearly everyday – and especially when he needs to fight crime (which are usually just thwarting low quality, lame brand jerky products)
- He looks gorgeous. Close your eyes. Imagine this: Huge muscles. Super-hero mask. Skin tight costume. Now imagine a piece of beef jerky with a cape. It’s the latter.
- He’s timeless. One issue with superheroes is their time locked. Their from the past or the future or the present. Whatever. Jerky Jeff is literally ageless, timeless, and accessible to all. Wow. Talk about progress. This superhero is so righteous.
Jerky Jeff spends his days just as you would assume: ensuring all the world has access to the world’s finest, premium jerky. The cool part is, even though he is made mainly of beef, Jerky Jeff is inclusive of all types of jerky: pork, duck, salmon. What a guy!
All is not well in Jerkyland, however. Jeff has a huge problem: low quality jerky. It’s everywhere, an it’s completely unacceptable.
Cash register checkouts, family get togethers, camping trips. Low quality jerky can literally be anywhere. Jerky Jeff is doing everything he can to stop the madness – and you can help.
Whenever you see questionable jerky, shout “Jerky, Jerky, We Need You in a Hurry!”
Guess what will happen? You guessed it. A big ol’ piece of jerky in a cape will come creepin’ through your gathering to make things right with the world.
With a flick of his cape and a wink, all tasteless jerky disappears and is replaced with only the best of the best from JerkySubscription.com – hot fire, Jerky Jeff, you’ve saved us again.
The best part about Jerky Jeff is he is not only awesome, but he’s super chill too. He’ll probably want to hang out for a while, have a few drinks and shoot the breeze with you. Sometimes he even likes to play a game of cards. Hey, he might even want to watch the game with you. Especially if it’s football. Guy loves football. Just be careful, because he might start nibbling on himself as a snack. Weird, but hey – we like to make sure you know what you’re getting in to.
Rest easy, world. You are now in the cool, capable (and tasty) hands of the world’s first beef jerky superhero, Jerky Jeff.
Life will never be bland again.
JerkySubscription.com would like to thank Jerky Jeff for his commitment to excellence in the world of jerky, and also appreciates that he is comfortable enough in his own body to wear nothing but a cape. Now that is confidence.